The Mystery Of The Kinky, Pink Handcuffs
by KayMoon24
Summary: When Bobby finds a pair of handcuffs used for sexual pleasure, he embarks on an adventure to find out exactly who's been using them, in the form of asking the X-Men, one by one. Who's getting rough up in the school? The answer may just surprise you!
1. Beast's Lesson Of The Day:

_**AN #1: H**_**ello everyone. Gosh, been a while, hasn't it? If anyone thought that I had died, don't worry! I did too. Hehe, anyhow, I really hope you guys enjoy this fanfic—(I thought it was very funny as I giggled to myself in the dark in my room.) Don't worry for any hiatuses on this muli-chapter story, because it's ready to go—just, please let me know what you think? I've worked very hard. It should be updated every one to two days. Also: A HUGE, WONDERFUL THANK YOU to my lovely editors: ** _Charm and Strange and her fantastic friend __Aislinn. _**Without them, this story would be a huge nightmare for you all. (I'll be sure to tag your FF. NET name when I get it, ;) )**

_**AN#2**__: Could you people believe that I dreamed this stuff? No? Probably not._

Rated T for swearing. (Maybe slightly more mature than that, but I trust you guys.) Sexual Toy Themes.

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><p>"Ugh," Bobby growled from under the weight of all the heavy, brown packages and mounds of clothing he was holding. The smell of mold and mothballs nearly made him nauseous. His hands sweat nervously as his thoughts jumped to the idea of bugs. Bugs: crunchy and bitey, horrible and evil. Bugs secretly making their nasty little homes in the piles of old junk he had so close to his face (if not<em> on<em> his face). Oh yeah, he could kick Magneto's butt up and down all day, and still have the energy to try to steal a glance into the girls' bathroom-especially when Storm was in there (Just don't tell Beast that!)—but God forbid something squishy and creepy-crawly touch his cheek, or he'd turn to ice and _never_ change back.

"Beast," Bobby struggled to get enough air in his lungs to call up to his best friend, and teacher, who was shifting through the massive piles of whatchamacallits to begin with. They were also both crammed tightly together in a spare closet. And sharing a small space with someone like Beast, while though perhaps mentally simulating, is not so pleasant when one likes to have room to breathe. " I'm dying down here! Could I do the cleaning next? And not be the one—the one…"

Bobby's thoughts escaped his lips for a moment, his eyes wondering to the daylight streaming from across the room, and out the windows. _God, it's such a beautiful day outside!_His thoughts whimpered in his skull like disappointed puppies. Then he suddenly remembered what he was going to say next.

"Beast, why are we doing this? Do you see how frickin' amazing it is today? Man, I know you never go outside of your lab-cave much, but you have to come check this—"

"We are doing this, Robert, because you have detention with me, and Professor Xavier asked me to clean out the spare spaces in case of the needed room. You know just as well as I do that he and Jean have gone to receive a new student just this morning."

"Nhnnng," Bobby muttered, wondering that if he made his toes cold and slick enough, he could slide out of the room faster than Beast could catch him. "Yeah. Okay. But, could I at least be the one shoveling stuff out of here, big guy?"

"I suppose," Came the proper, calm, and collected, disembodied voice.

Bobby quickly tossed his load out the door of the closet, casting one more longing glance to the outside world, before climbing up the many shelves and squeezing past Beast, who was making his way down.

"Yuck, it's probably full of mold and dead people up here." Bobby's voice called down. Beast simply shook his head, wiping the dust from off of his glasses. Detention was detention after all. Even for the teacher.

"Robert, did you know that unless it's black mold, it actually can't—"

_"Whoa! _Hey Beast, what's this?" Bobby's voice suddenly yelled down, rather rudely, but full of some kind of excitement. Beast looked up into the darkness, and then stepped out of the small storage space. His animal eyes, which allowed him to see in the dark, could easily see that Bobby was waving his occupied arm towards him, but the gentleman could still not figure out what that object was.

"Bobby, you'll just have to hold on to whatever it is till we're done, I can't—"

Bobby quickly dropped to the floor with a harsh thud, rolling out of the closet on his side.

"…see." Beast finished. Bobby leapt to his feet, and in his hands seemed to be some kind of shiny, metal object. The face on the grinning blond was beyond mischievous. Beast disregarded this, and studied it for a few moments.

"What's—oh, my. Well, those seem to be an odd pair of handcuffs."

"Oh…You figure that we'd be sick of playing cops and robbers…considering we're kind of heroes." Bobby collected.

"Yes, stellar speculation Robert," Beast nonchalantly replied, trying not to be too interested in how suspicious a spot the old pair of handcuffs were found in.

"You think these things were hidden?" Bobby continued. Beast simply chuckled for a second at the young lad's candid honesty of saying what he himself was thinking, but simply too polite to actually say. Beast returned to the closet as Bobby stood outwardly, and towards one of the many large, open windows of the Xavier institute. Shafts of morning sun crept in through the windows, causing the young teenager's blond hair to shimmer softly. Beast still diligently remained in the shadows inside of the closet, determined to get this task over with so he could head back to his lab.

Soon though, the keen glint of sunlight bouncing off the edges of the cuffs finally pulled Beast's eyes to look—and it was then that Bobby had moved his hands just barely, and fluffy, little bits of pink feather stuck out from between his fingers as the boy continued investigating the peculiar little discovery. Beast's eyes went wide for a second, and then he glanced away, trying to swallow the strange lump in his throat, and hoped Bobby would pay no further heed to the silly, pointless matter.

"Oh _man_," Beast internally cringed a bit as he realized that a shocked and distinctly immature level tone suddenly colored Bobby's voice. "These things have _feathers_?"

Beast suddenly became very interested in his sorting once again, finding a dusty, neon, glow-in-the-dark sticky pad on the wall and removed it with his toe, before moving a massive, furry arm to take up an old pen. One never knows when more notes could come in handy for the lab. He then stepped out of the closet, deciding to make a little keepsake pile for himself.

Bobby grinned a childish grin of elated glee that a kid gets when they've discovered a great, nefarious secret. And to Bobby, this probably was. He thrusted the metal constraints right in front of Beast's face, causing Beast to suddenly edge backwards. "Someone must be having some epically _kinky sexy time_ with this!"

"Oh Robert," Beast chided in his best shame-on-you, professor-ly kind of tone, his two blue brows came together as his large face scrunched up tightly. "Must you be so frank?

Bobby's grin somehow managed to grow even wider. "So these really ARE used for sex?"

Beast only stared, dumbfounded. There was no way to recover from mentioning sex to a fifteen-year old. "You know, I think it's quite marvelous that you've still retained this much innocence Robert, even with all your time being here, and, well, all the horrors you've faced."

Bobby only snickered to himself, twisting the bits of pink fluff in between long, pale fingers. "I've gotta find out whose these belong to."

"It's 'to whom that these belong to'," Beast corrected absentmindedly. Suddenly he froze, feeling pestering young eyes fix on him.

"So _you_ know whose these belong to?"

Beast's voice seemed to choke in his throat. "What? No—Heavens no!"

"So you'll help me find out who then?"

"I-"

"Please?"

"Well-"

"You gotta-!"

"I just don't—"

"_Please?_"

"Fine! Fine! Alright!" Beast finally sighed, obliging the boy's insatiable curiosity. "But I'm not coming with you, nor will you _ever_ say you acquired my help in this little farce. Do we have a deal?"

"Dealio," Bobby was nearly bouncing off the walls with excitement. "So I was thinking that maybe you could sniff the cuffs, and just tell me?"

Beast sighed again, fixing his glasses and twisting his snout. "Well, I could see why that would be the first thing you would want to do, but I'm afraid that I haven't been out of the lab in so very long, I'm not quite sure who's scent is on it."

Beast then agilely shrank down towards the toy, and after having sniffed it, recoiled again. "But it's indeed been used. And rather recently, I would gather."

"This just gets better and better," Bobby remarked to himself, his eyes shining. Beast raised an eyebrow. There would be no way he could get the boy to be a help now. He'd just be too lost in his _provocative _thoughts of those stupid cuffs.

"Robert."

"Yeah?"

"I'll let you go now," Bobby's eyes shone brighter than the sun outside the glass. "But only if you promise me that you won't go making a huge muck over those things, alright?"

"Oh, oh yeah, sure Beast," Bobby smirked, "You won't hear a peep from me about 'em."

"Alright. Well, as you kids say: "Get your game on, and go play". "

"Thanks Beast," Bobby said, sliding out the door and sprinting down the hall. "You won't regret this!"

Beast sighed into his palm. "Oh believe me, Robert... I already have."

Bobby quickly swished down the halls and down the stairs, thankful that everyone seemed to be outside on this lovely morning. He nearly thought about freezing over the stair's banister, but then decided against it after thinking about all the melted ice he'd have to clean up later. He took a flying leap off the last step and stumbled right into Rogue.

"Ah! Hey! Watch it ya lil'-! It's hot enough outside and Ah swear Ah'll shove my boot right up your…Bobby?"

Bobby suddenly shoved the cuffs behind his back, and his face felt extremely warm as he stared at his second wannabe-crush. _Storm still had it going on wayyyy more than Rogue. _He tried to calm himself down by freezing the sweat lining down the back of his neck.

"Hey Rogue! I'm- I'm sorry for runnin' into you. I just…,"

Rogue continued to stare back. She had on less cover-up clothing than usual, but it still remained black. Her tank-top cut off just before her stomach, reveling her hips that cascaded into nothing but black jeans….Bobby then realized that he should probably be looking her in the _eyes_.

Her purple eye-shadow sparkled prettily on her eyelids as her dark brown eyes continued to look completely annoyed. She quickly moved a long, pale arm to carefully push her brown hair out of her face, the white streak ever present as it ran down the side of her face. Even in the cool of the mansion, the heat was getting to everyone. But it was obvious that Rogue wouldn't dare ruin her gothic completion for a nice day.

"Sometime this century, Iceman?" Rogue pursed her smooth lips and raised an eyebrow. Suddenly, something shimmering caught Rogue's eyes. "Hey, what's that you got 'here behind yer back?"

_Oh God, am I seriously brave enough to ask Rogue about her sex life? _Bobby glanced at the tiny, pointy little spikes lining her boots. No. No he wasn't. Maybe asking people was going to be harder than he thought.

"It's nothing! Look, I just got out of detention, so I'll be outside if you need me—"

Too late to run. Rogue simply removed a glove and brought a finger to Bobby's forehead. He felt this little jolt down his spine, like all the cells and molecule that made up his body were vibrating out his skin, and then he started to lose feeling in his ankles, replaced by this shaking weakness. Subconscious self-defense triggered in Bobby, and a rush of ice formed around his skull.

"Ouwch!" Rogue quickly took her finger back, "Gawd you're cold, Bobby. Sorry, it's just too hot to wrestle those dang things away from you, and I was curious so, I tapped ya-"

Suddenly Rogue's expression suddenly changed to rage, then spite, as she gained acknowledgment of Bobby's thoughts. "—AH CAN'T EVEN _BELIEVE_ YOU'D-As for that degrading toy you have in your hand-no, Ah don't use them-thank ya 'ery much—because as you can see, Ah can't touch _ANYONE_! And if you tell anyone otherwise, Ah swear Ah will tell Storm exactly what your think of 'er."

Rogue's eyes narrowed again, as she shouldered past Bobby and up the stairs. Bobby quickly swallowed his heart back down his throat. _Rogue can be scary. So very scary. Well, that's one down,_ Bobby thought to himself, using his powers to keep the surrounding air a nice, cool degree as he stepped onto the freshly cut grass outside the school. _As long as I stay on Rogue's good side, she won't tell. So that just means one thing_…. _Who's next?_

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><p><strong>EAN#3:<strong> _Who is next indeed! Any guesses? Stick around. You don't wanna miss what's next! Please review/alert! My editors and I have worked very hard, and would love to know what you all think._


	2. Never Mention Sex To A 15 Year Old

**AN#4:** _Hullo! Thanks everyone for the reviews so far. Hehe, I'm glad my humor isn't quite as tasteless as I once thought. It made my editors laugh bunch too, so I'm feeling really good about this. Sorry if the first chapter was a little slow. Now that Bobby's out and about, things are really about to heat up. :D Enjoy!  
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><p>Bobby quickly surveyed the playing field. Most of the kids in the mansion he knew-though, so far, there weren't too terribly many, only about six others, excluding himself. Everyone else he knew was in a different category, meaning they were a part of the field mission X-Men Team, the Team that Prof. X assigned him to be on. Bobby figured that if you weren't old enough to be on the X-Men Team, then you certainly weren't allegeable enough to be having sex. <em>Well, I guess with Jean out of the picture I could always just ask Scott. Then there's Warren , Peter, and Kitty. And then there's even Wolverine.<em> Bobby cringed a little at that thought. Asking Wolverine about his sex life would be scarier than facing Magneto a thousand times over.

Bobby stepped quickly through the dry grass, twisting left and right, but all he could see was the general training fields, the white fences, metal security gate, and vehicle garage. The road that lead around the institute and into New York crunched under his feet as he walked, but at least the sun felt good on his body. Heck, it was even beginning to drizzle-_Wait, drizzle? Rain? In the sun?_

Bobby glanced up as the soft, flickering drops of water rolled down his neck and into his shirt. The sky was perfectly clear, and the sun was almost too painful to even discreetly glance at. He then looked over at the school's roof to find- _Oh my God.._ Bobby's mouth dropped open.

Storm hovered along the outside of the school, snapping manicured fingers in time to some song that was playing on the radio by the school's door. A small, dark, and pulsating cloud twisted and frothed above her as she directed pelts of rain to wash the large clear windows.

Unlike Rogue, Storm adjusted well to the summer heat of New York . Her long, intoxicatingly beautiful white hair flowed down her model-like back, nearly to her calves. The tank top she was wearing cut off extra short, reveling all of her toned stomach. The exotic glass beads that hung around her neck twinkled in the breeze. Bobby slid his eyes down to take in the shorts she was wearing, and the most gorgeous pair of legs he had ever seen on a woman. She was, indeed, an African goddess in Bobby's eyes.

Suddenly, as if sensing eyes upon her, Storm turned, her caramel eyes casting themselves over Bobby, making him forget how to swallow. She waved a long arm, her plump, maroon colored lips concealing perfect white teeth.

"Bobby, it is good to see you outside enjoying today. I'm glad that Beast finally let you go. You'll have to forgive him. We all know how he's not too terribly inclined to the outside world."

Bobby nodded at her for the sake of saving his dignity if he opened his mouth. _Beast is SUCH a lucky SOB_, he thought bitterly.

"Do you need something, child?" Storm asked, as she lowered herself to the ground. _Oh God, oh no-_ Bobby couldn't freeze the sweat rolling down his legs fast enough. _Moment of truth dude: Ask Storm about her sex life? NO! Wait! She can't possibly-she's Beast's girlfri-_ Bobby's mind's eye suddenly found itself dreaming up all sorts of images of Storm with those cuffs—all while the actual Storm simply continued to stare at him worriedly, her hands on her curvy hips. His tongue was stuck to his teeth. He was screwed if she saw the cuffs- and _not_ in the good way. Storm wasn't nearly as relaxed about her parental teaching duties as Beast.

"HEY! BOBBY!" Called a high, soprano voice. Bobby quickly turned towards it and ran off in its direction. To him, it sounded like the voice of God, saving him from getting his butt whooped by an angel. Bobby found himself running half away across the school's field when he felt a change from under his feet. Dirt. Freshly tilled dirt, actually. He glanced around, but soon found that that same female voice was coming from behind him.

"You know, you really gotta get that 'ooogling at Storm' thing in check. If Beast ever saw you doing that..." A grinning Kitty Pryde tsk'd at Bobby with her tongue. "I know, I saved your butt. Thank me later." She winked.

Bobby swallowed, using his powers to cool down from his encounter with Storm. Oh yeah, he owned Kitty _big time_. Bobby took in the entire scene around him. A big area of dirt had been turned up all around them. A hand-stitched, cut open bag of plant seeds lay off to the sides, and a few farming tools lay around the piles. Bobby's eyes then came into contact with a largely muscled shadow. His eyes traced over the broad shoulders and dark, shortly cropped hair of the man before him.

"C-colossus?" Bobby asked, squinting through the sunlight.

"Da?" Peter quietly answered back. He continued shifting the dirt around him—somehow his giant hands created such delicate little bits of fragile green to grow. Kitty smiled again, settling back down to help out. A wheelbarrow filled with manure covered the space between them, separating the garden into two halves.

"Petey? Could you hand me some watermelon seeds- oh, thanks!" Kitty purred, sticking a small finger into the soft ground to plant a seed as Colossus tossed some over the distance of the wheelbarrow.

A little noise went off in Bobby's head that sounded like the "_fssschu_" of a whip cracking. He knew it had something to do with Peter, and how he reacts to Kitty- Gambit had told him that once. He just…wish he could remember what it meant.

Bobby studied Kitty for a minute. The young, tiny, but yet extraordinarily vibrant teenager seemed to constantly brim with excitement. Her soft brown hair was pulled up into her usual ponytail. Even in the heat, Bobby wasn't surprised to see a soft coating of light green eye shadow and pink lip balm that subtly increased the attractiveness of Kitty's face. She would probably proclaim her makeup choice to be "Environmentally friendly". Her light hazel eyes rested on Bobby's face for a moment.

"So," Kitty chirped, "What brings you out here—besides babe watching?" Her eyes playfully regarded Bobby's blush. "Aren't you supposed to be in detention with Beast?"

"Yeah, well, I mean, I was, but I found these." Bobby smiled as he pulled out his strange, feathered prize. "We-well, I-found it in a spare closet. Beast's says they've been regularly used and-"

"OooOOoOoooh," Kitty's eyes lit up and she quickly leapt up from her knees to get a better look. "Wow! You just _found_ those?"

_Alright_, Bobby thought, _they're so busted! 'You found those?' Please, Kitty, you're a horrible liar!_

"Don't act so surprised! It's you two, isn't it?" Bobby jested, thrusting the cuffs out and into Kitty's face. The surprise in Kitty's face slowly drained. Her expression puzzled.

"W-wha-?"

"-It is us doing what?" Colossus suddenly intervened, but when he spotted the handcuffs, his face went beat red and he stuttered out: "K-Katya?"

Bobby's expression suddenly faded. Colossus and Kitty were certainly the newest couple on the scene—and the hottest, from what the entire mansion sometimes heard late into the night—How could it not be them?

"Uh, Bobby. Like, do you ever use your brain?" Kitty's lips turned up into a smirk.

_Oh, crap._ Bobby thought to himself, _Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! How could I possibly forget that Kitty can phase through these freakin' things!_Bobby sighed, twisting the cuffs through his fingers

"Wooow Bobby, that's one for books."

"Shut up," Bobby snapped, "Rogue tapped my head earlier with her finger and it must'a scrambled my brain."

"Excuses, excuses." Kitty replied condescendingly. "Wait…no way—you mean _Rogue _caught you with those things?"

Bobby nodded back vigorously, his eyes keeping with Kitty's own wide stare. Kitty probably was the closest thing Rogue had to a best friend, but even Kitty knew that her tempter could be something fierce.

"It was scary Kitty, you have no idea. But still slightly worth the look on her face."

"Worth gettin' tapped?" Kitty giggled out. "Still, it's ridiculous to accuse us of using this…this.." She got a glimpse of the frilly pink feathers. "…thing."

Throughout this time, a small smile made its way to Peter's lips, though he had long returned to planting and ignoring the entirety of the conversation; his own embarrassment from before forcing him to hide. Peter glanced up again though, and, finally guessing at the frustration on Bobby's face, Colossus suddenly let out a booming laugh, which nearly made the ground shake under Bobby, scaring him out of his skin. Peter was usually so quiet; it was intense when his voice rose beyond normal talking level.

"Oh, I see what is going on. Katya, are you implying that a small little thing like that could hold me back from you?" Now it Kitty's turn to blush. Which she did, highlighting her cheek-bones in the fiery sun.

"I'm implying it just about as much as this thing could keep me from you," She smirked, reaching out, phasing through the wheelbarrow, and gipping Peter's dirty chest, bringing him in for a kiss. When their lips met, Peter turned nearly as pink as Kitty's lip balm. Bobby quickly looked at the dirt between his toes.

"Okay! Okay! I get it," Bobby declared as he attempted to stop the kiss from going further. "I'm an idiot, and I should have thought about the fact that Peter's stronger than ten thousand rhinos and you can phrase through anything." He stuck out his tongue.

"Duh," Kitty said, a snide little smirk prancing across her pink lips as she raised and lowered a perfect eyebrow. "You are a huge idiot sometimes."

Peter remained silent, though, that could just have been from the stun of being kissed like that in front of company. Bobby thought that Peter was so shy that it physically hurt not only him, but everyone around him. "Well, you two have fun-"

"Gardening," Kitty squealed, showing her dirt-covered hands. "It's totally disgusting, yet completely invigorating. We're going to plant strawberries next!" Peter seemed to glow at Kitty's approval.

"Right," Bobby took a step back from the bubbly teen. "Any clue who's using these then?"

Kitty tilted her head for a second, biting down on her bottom lip. "Hmm…" She reached up and took the cuffs out of Bobby's hands. "Yeah, but only one person comes to mind."

Now it was Bobby's turn to raise an eyebrow as Kitty handed them back. "Who?"

_"Who?"_ Kitty's remark pealed out into bells of laughter. "The _obvious_ choice, silly."

Peter suddenly went more ridged than usual. _The obvious choice?_Bobby echoed in his head.

Bobby's yellow brows folded for a second. He pondered who else could possibly be the 'obvious' choice. He suddenly was bombarded with the way that some of the girls in the estate checked out Warren at dinner. He always wears some super-plush cassimere sweater from Louis Vuitton to match the rest of his thousand dollar playboy outfits. Every morning, bright and early, and way before anyone should have the right to even be awake, he'd come outside on his balcony with just his boxers on and no shirt so he could "_stretch his wings_" (as told to him by Jubilee). _Ppfft. Show off._

"Well, could you tell me where you think they are?"

Kitty giggled again, picking up a nearby hose and washing off her hands. "Don't worry, I'll take you to him."

_Yes!_ Bobby glanced over at Colossus, who's expression ranged between 'priceless to hilarious'. "No Katya…," Peter's gentle voice faltered, "…Not LeBeau."

"Oh yes," Kitty challenged, grasping Colossus's large hand to phase him through the wheelbarrow and have him wash up as well. "We're going to go ask Remy."

The next time Bobby glanced over at Peter, the dark eyes of the Russian met his with a look that told the fifteen year old blonde that he had just ruined his life.

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><p><strong>EAN#5:<strong> _So? What do you think? Hehe, I just love Peter. He's so sweet. And Kitty—what are you thinkin' girl? Bobby's in for it now that the Cajun's getting involved next…review to let me know what you think? ;)  
><em>


	3. Because It Only Leads To Trouble

**AN#6: **_Thanks to all who are enjoying! I've been wondering…should I post longer chapters? Hm..please enjoy! :3_

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><p><em><em>  
>The group walked about the campus for abit, Colossus only tagging along for the fact that Kitty had his hand in a grip tighter than Spiderman's spandex costume. Bobby simply took another gander at Storm as they strolled by—but luckily Kitty smacked the back of his head to keep his tongue from rolling out of his mouth and hitting the floor.<p>

When Bobby, Kitty and Peter finally arrived on the other side of the mansion, a green lawn chair had been set out amongst the shade of a large, towering oak tree. Remy LeBeau lay sprawled out upon it, fast asleep; his messy, long brown hair askewed along his face. He wore nothing but his causal pair of ripped-at-the-knees blue jeans, the sun glinted off of the dull buttons and buckles. Kitty traced her eye along his tanned, tone chest. Nothing too flashy, like the muscles on Wolverine, and certainly not a build like her Peter. But better than most men around the institute. Better than Kurt, at least. But then again, Kitty supposed that the point of being a sneaky little acrobatic thief wasn't about muscles or spectacular strength anyways.

"Is he asleep?" Colossus's quiet voice somehow managed to become even softer.

"Pfft, if he is, he's smiling in it, the cad." Kitty huffed. Bobby chuckled for a moment at her spite. Remy knew how to get under the skin of most everyone around him.

"Well, since he is asleep, ah well-time to go—" Peter softly mumbled, taking a step back, only to be caught by Kitty once more.

"No, no, come on, we just gotta wake him up. Maybe I'll pull Rogue out here…" Suddenly Bobby felt a dropping feeling in his stomach at Kitty's mentioning of Rogue. Dragging Rogue back into his little adventure only reminded him of her spikey boots and slashing, Southern threat.

"That's probably not a good idea. You know Rogue and the sun. It just wouldn't happen."

Kitty sighed. "I know; I already tried to get her to come outside today. She'd look fantastic with a tan, too." _Whew, ass saved_. Bobby inwardly celebrated.

"Bobby, why don't you just conjure up a bit of ice and toss it at him? It's so hot, it's bound to wake the dead."

"What? NO way!" Bobby hissed out, pressing his hands to his sides as if Kitty could somehow physically force him to use his powers.

"Why not?" Kitty hissed back, poking him with her finger nail.

"Because I don't feel like getting blown half-way to Chicago today, that's why! I'd as soon as go chuck a piece of ice at Rogue or Wolverine!"

"Please, don't be so dramatic! It-" Bobby cut her off abruptly.

"No, and that's a _dead_ no. Kitty, the point is, I'll chuck some ice over at him to wake him up, and he'll chuck a playing card that'll blow me halfway to hell." Kitty simply pouted her pink lips.

"Arh, fine. Fine. I'll go ask."

Kitty silently made her way over to the sleeping Cajun, pushing a lock of loose brown hair behind her ears. She took a deep breath, before leaning down a bit and lightly tapping Gambit's shoulder.

"Um, Gambit?"

Nothing.

"…Gambit?" She tapped his shoulder a little harder. Nothing once more. Kitty turned back to face Peter and Bobby. 'Guys, help!' She quickly mouthed. Peter just continued to stare, his face forced to look calm. Bobby simply waved his hands at her to continue. 'Ice?' Kitty's face lit up as she suggested. Bobby scowled a look of hatred at her. 'Okay! Okay, fine, I'm going, I'm doing it,'

She leaned over a bit more, this time moving the side of her face to hover over the thief's.  
>"Remy?"<p>

Remy opened his eyes slowly, his pupils glowing a timid red on black irises. At first he saw nothing but the blinding sun, forcing him to place a hand over his face. Then he quickly recognized the pretty face of Kitty standing off to the side.

"Ah, lil' miss chatnon," he purred lazily moving his head to look at her, "Finally got sick o' yer Siberia-lovin', hein? If ya be needin' a nap, dere be plenty o' room."

From little ways away, Peter's spine straightened as if he had been kicked into attention stance. Bobby simply wondered if Gambit trained himself to wake up with a pickup line on his tongue—and knowing Remy, he probably did.

"Oh, Remy, stop it," Kitty giggled, playfully slapping a small hand against his shoulder. "Actually, I was just wondering…" she quickly whipped out the pink handcuffs, her index finger straight through the middle of one ring. She swung it effortlessly as she talked. "Do these belong to you?"

Remy simply titled his head abit, his long hair sweeping into his face as the sleep slowly faded from his eyes. "…Chatnon, why would I be ownin' a pair o' handcuffs? W'at woul'da thief be needin' wit' those?"

Kitty leaned forward abit more, batting her eyes. "Oh come on Gambit…you sure these don't look familiar?"

"O' sure dey do Chere, I've only bein' in dem my whole life long." Remy simply stretched out more, placing his arms behind his neck.

"Then you admit to using them?" Kitty pressed on, lowering her face to his. Remy raised a clever eyebrow.

"Ya lookin' fer a kiss chatnon, or a confession?," He leaned in closer, his glowing ruby eyes not breaking their stare with Kitty. She felt a bit lightheaded, and Peter stared on intently, his knuckles popping as he made a hidden fist. "'Cause I can do both."

"Uh, Kitty?" Bobby finally managed out. This seemed to do the trick, though Gambit scowled in Bobby's direction. Kitty got ahold of herself.

"Ugh," Kitty recoiled from the flirtatious Cajun and rolled her eyes to the wide blue sky above them. "Get serious Remy. I need to know if you've been using these things in the bedroom."

"Hein?" Remy blinked, shaking his head to move his hair out of his eyes alittle and smiled that classic grin hated by most men in the school. "Ol' Remy will admit ta most anyt'ing when it comes to de bedroom. But cuffs? I don't t'ink so."

"Really?" Kitty's tone clearly showed that she didn't believe the Southern for a second.

"Fer sure chatnon," Remy looked a bit prideful as he spoke. "'didn't say dat I didn't like it o'bit rough sometimes, but I ain't one ta be usin' toys."

"Eh?" Kitty's face screwed up abit at Gambit's confession. "And what's your excuse for that, huh?"

"Well when I tend ta get inta the _moment_ o' some t'ink like dat, chatnon, havin' an object touchin' my skin usually ain't de best idea." Remy smirked again, using a hand to lazily reach up and pick at Kitty's ponytail until the band that held it into place shined a bright, sinister red.

"Oh," a blush ran across Kitty's cheeks as she reached her hand behind her head to touch her hair-band. It felt ridiculously warm from the charge where Remy had touched. A large shadow suddenly casted itself over the pair.

"So then, Gambit is off the hook." Peter's deep and painfully calm voice brought Kitty back to her senses again. She quickly moved away from Remy and back to Peter's side. Bobby sighed again in frustration.

"Man, we thought that if _anyone_ would have something to do with these kinky things, it'd be you!"

Remy sat up from his spot on the lawn chair. "Really?"

"Yeah," Kitty admitted a little ruefully. "I'm sorry if we offended you—"

Gambit's laughter quickly over took anything Kitty was saying. It shook his entire muscled frame. "Don't be worrin' yer pretty lil' head non about dis, petite. Bein' accused of dis is de best t'ink I've woken up ta in a long time."

Bobby quickly took back the handcuffs again. "So, who's next then?"

Bobby's statement quickly left Kitty for a lost. Remy stood up and stretched again, moving a hand to shake out all the heat that he collected in his hair as he slept. Suddenly, he blinked, as if something extremely obvious had just smacked into his brain.

"Well, how many ya'all be askin' yet?"

"Just Kitty, Peter, and you." Bobby said. _Probably best to leave Rogue out of this, now that Remy is involved._ Bobby thought.

"N' no Stormy or Beasty yet, eh?" Gambit collected. Kitty looked a bit confused for a minute, but Bobby quickly countered.

"No, I know it's not Beast. And..I guess I figure that it has to come in a pair, you know? So, no Beast, then no Storm."

"Fair 'nough," Remy agreed. "So den, you only needin' to be askin' 'bout three more people."

"Oooh," Kitty suddenly squeaked again, "I think I know exactly who to ask next." A strange glow mixed into her green eye shadow. Beside her, Peter shifted uncomfortably. He'd give anything for this nonsense to just be over.

"N' who's dat, chatnon?" Remy chuckled, clearly enjoying this romp.

"Guys, let's go find Warren ."

"Mister Play-boy-goodie-deux-shoes havin' a frisky n' kinky 'cuff fetish. I could see dis."

Bobby simply sighed as he felt the awkward little investigated spiraling out of his control. Now that the most perverted X-Men he knew wasn't the owner, he didn't know what to think.

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><p><strong>EAN#7:<strong> _Hehe! Looks like Angel's next. This should be…awkward. The prince confronted by the pauper, amIright? Next chapter should be much longer too. Thanks again. Lemme know what you think? It my Remy okay? Tis my first time writing as him…_


	4. Immature, Rediculous Gossip

**AN#8**: _Wow! The longest chapter yet! And guess who pops up in this one? ;) Hehe. I guess you'll never know till you read! Goodness, thank you guys SO much again for the reviews and the alerts and the favourites. It means SO much. I've been working on this story for over a month between school stuff before I posted it. Please enjoy! Thank you to my lovely editors again. :3_

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><p>"Hm," Kitty placed a small hand to her chin as she glanced around the parlor of the institute. The sleek, smooth titles beneath Bobby's feet felt nice in the sweltering heat. Sunlight poured through all the windows, including the see-through doors behind them.<p>

"Is Warren even in this weekend?The guy's kind of flighty. I can't even remember where his room is in this place.**" **Bobby strained his head to look down the many picture lined-hallways.

"That was a terrible pun, Bobby. But I think it's near Kurt's room. I think…" Kitty started off down the northern hallway. Colossus quickly followed, but Gambit still remained behind, his eyes flickering in the opposite direction. Bobby tapped the handcuffs against his knuckle as he walked, and soon found Gambit stepping jauntily into place beside him.

"Remy? I never really thought too hard about it until now, but do you think we should ask Kurt?" Bobby glanced at the taller mutant beside him. The red in Remy's eyes suddenly made themselves more pronounced as the group retreated into the dimmer, cooler passages of the mansion.

"Heh, n' all honestly dat I can give yo'," Gambit replied, "I t'ink we'd have a beddah chance of getting ol' Ironsides right dere drunk and havin' 'em talk about how much he loves screwin' his lil' kitten dere, den these cuffs bein' used by Nightcrawler."  
><strong><br>**Bobby simply quieted a chuckle that escaped from his lips. Remy's vulgarity always was a riot in the classrooms regardless, but picturing Peter going on about his girlfriend in such a light would be hilarious to see.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Dude's really uptight about his appearance during the day, I doubt that'd change during the night. I mean, he's freaked out enough that Amanda likes him for exactly how he is. This'd probably just scare her off. He'd probably never even use them as a gag gift."**  
><strong>  
>"Guys, I think this is it." Kitty stopped just up ahead by a smooth, handsome looking door with golden hinges. "Uh...I don't think he's in though."<p>

"Lemme see, _mon chaton_," Remy shouldered ahead, rising his knuckles to tap along the door. _Rat-tap-tap._

After a moment, to Kitty's surprise, the door edged open. Wind-blown blond hair could be seen through its crack.

" Warren ," Remy greeted, "Fine morin', _non_?"

The tall bond soon entered in before the strangely gathered group. Warren merely nodded, his crystal blue eyes wide as he regarded each person before him. "Yes, a fine morning indeed. Hello Katherine, Peter, Bobby."

There was a silently awkward pause as Warren's wings rustled lightly behind him- a slight tick that Wolverine said would go away once Warren had gotten over nearly dropping Jean during their last civilian rescue mission. "…Am I in some type of trouble?"  
><strong><br>**"I guess dat depends o' yer answer," Gambit laughed. Warren simply took a step out of his room, glancing down the hallway, his light brows knitting together.

"But, I don't understand. I just got back in from New York . I haven't even unpacked yet-" Kitty quickly grasped Warren 's hand, and waited for Bobby to place the pink handcuffs there.

"Wh…why…what…." Warren 's usually smooth voice was suddenly asundered. "Please, please just tell me that I'm being arrested, and those aren't what I think they are."

"Dunno _homme_," Remy smirked, enjoying the sheer discomfort of the most wanted man on campus. "Did ya see 'em in yer fancy Playboy magazines lately?"

"Wha- What did you just say? I don't own any such _trash_." Warren snapped, "And Kitty, whatever this whole thing is, I would have rather hoped that you of all people would have kindly left me out of it."

Kitty's lips fell into a surprised pout. Bobby quickly grasped the handcuffs back, holding them behind his back.

"Sorry man, we should have known better than to think—"

"_Non_, _non_, _non_, _non_, _non_," Remy chided, flicking the feathered toy out of Bobby's grip with masterful ease. "The blond, blue eye'd pretty boy isn't gettin' offa de hook dat easily."

Remy quickly spun the chain of the cuffs along his fingers as he eyed Warren . Warren stared back with a look of complete annoyance. "Whatever you're thinkin' penny-snatcher, I kindly suggest you stop."

"Non, I t'ink yo' are de one that needs to stop. I know yo' know what dese t'ing are, and you're doin' a terri'ble job o' hiding it."

"You all have a morbid sense of curiosity… and the loner's delusional, I've never even owned a dirty magazine in my entire life," Gambit quickly went to make for a comeback, but Warren continued with: "I couldn't buy one regardless because if my father's maids would have found them, I would have been put on a security watch higher than twenty-four hours a day."

Bobby considered this for a moment, wondering if this whole hunt was a good idea after all, which some of the more disgruntled reactions he was causing.

"I had to be nothing_ but_ perfect—and that didn't involve being human. But surprise, surprise, even when it turned out that I _wasn't _human, look where that got me," Warren narrowed his eyes at Remy, before turning to stalk back into his room. Kitty quickly caught his arm.

" Warren , We're," Remy made a noise of protest. "…_I'm _sorry. We didn't mean for this to upset anyone—we're just..having some fun, you know? I mean, finding a pair of _pink sex-hand cuffs_—here, amongst all these students…it's like….. hilarious…"

"Well I don't think that being thought of as a person that using such disrespectful items during intercourse is funny, Katherine." Warren then sighed, his glare softening. "Look, I'm sorry, it's just…it's been a long flight from my father's business, and it didn't go well in what Professor Xavier asked me to suggest to him."

"Oh no," Kitty gasped, her voice filling with regret.

"It is okay," Colossus soft voice stated, placing a hand on her shoulder. "We will leave you alone now."

Warren 's eyebrow twitched, although his face relaxed. "Thanks. Sorry again. See you all at dinner." The door closed softly, with only a couple of long, white feathers lingering behind to announce the millionaire's former presence.

"Jeez, what's wit' de hate on a good ol' rough time in de bedroom?" Remy lamented, trying to break the tension floating in the crowded space.

Kitty giggled, grasping Colossus's hand and pulling him closer to her. "I dunno Remy, just, some people don't have a good sense of humor."

Colossus flexed his shoulders self-consciously. The couple fell into place once more as Bobby kept pace with the card-dealer. "Gambit, did you really mean what you said about Warren owning those copies of Playboy?**"  
><strong>**  
><strong>A sly expression flickered across Remy's face. "_Oui_, fancy-son over dere owns limited edition copies. An' he hides 'em where any man would hide his dirty prints. I found 'em once when Jubilee ask'd me ta find out more about what Warren liked when she had de hots for 'em."

Remy gave a careless shrug as he continued to explain. "Turns out, he likes naked women, like most men." Bobby laughed, jingling the cuffs. "No matter how he de'ny's it."  
><strong><br>**"…And you just broke into his room because Jubilee asked you?"

"Well, not jus' dat," Remy answered. "She said if I found out more o' what she wanted, she'd giv' me her Alison Krauss CD."

Bobby raised a questioning eyebrow.

"What?" Remy shot back, an innocent grin alighting his features. "Dat girl can sing!"

Suddenly Kitty's voice rang out along the hallway, echoing as it bounced along the walls.

"Oh! _Logan!_" Kitty nearly bounced on her tip-toes as she waved her arms to greet the mutant walking down the hallway.

_Oh, shit._ Bobby thought, his heart leaping to his throat. _Oh God. Oh God, Kitty, no!  
><em>  
>Wolverine slowly moved towards the group, a slight limp to his usual intense walk. Bobby didn't have the best eyes in the world, but it was clear that Logan was smoking, as tiny wisps of grey smoke surrounded him. <em>Or wait, what?<em> Bobby squinted his eyes. Or, more so Logan was _literally_ smoking. His clothes look frayed and soot covered. Bobby could almost swear he could see a bit of flame still simmering in the older man's wild facial hair.

"Have a tense session in the Danger Room with Scott?" Kitty raised her eyebrow curiously.

Everyone else looked on as Logan continued his way forward. The mood in the room took a nose dive for the worst. Logan 's temper had a way of changing things fast. It seemed to be that Kitty was forever the only one that managed to get away with poking fun at the murderous Canadian. Bobby'd just as soon tease a full grown grizzly.

"I don't want to talk about it, half-pint."

"Seriously? How did Scott manage to get the up on you?" Kitty teased, her brown hair coming undone around her shoulders as she pulled out her ponytail. Bobby felt Peter shift beside him, moving closer to Kitty. He also hoped most of the heat in the room was simply sunlight, and not this mass of teenagers. _Oh man, now I'm face to face with Wolverine and I'm holding fuzzy pink handcuffs. Jesus Beast, what did you let me get into?  
><em>  
>"I got pinned towards the southern wall and Summers wouldn't blink, if you catch my drift." Wolverine snarled, his jaw locked. Bobby's nose suddenly filled with the smell of fried human flesh. He managed stopped himself from gagging, thankful that most of Logan 's costume remained intact to cover up what was probably melting skin.<br>_  
><em>"OooOOohhh," Kitty squealed, "So are you gonna like, go kick his ass later today, or are you going to wait till the Danger Room opens again?" Kitty's head tilted like an interested brown-haired puppy.

"Before I get done with him, _any_room Slim's in will be a danger room." Logan shouldered past Bobby and Colossus heading to his room. The metal door slid open as Logan entered. Bobby's eyes widened as he saw blood streaming down Logan 's back and that his uniform was ripped at the neck line, reveling black charcoal wounds. But if was still now or never for asking Wolverine…

"Um, Wolverine, wait, I just wanted to ask you if—". _Snikt._Bobby stopped talking sound of razor sharp adamantium claws slicing through Logan 's gloves echoed along the bright, sunlight halls. This distinct ripping froze nearly everyone into place except for Colossus and Gambit.

"I shower. I eat. I kill Summers. And then you can ask me whatever the hell you want kid, got it?" Logan's dark eyes narrowed. Bobby gulped down a piece of ice that was suddenly lodged in his throat.

"Ookay, yeah, sure, right," Bobby coughed out, "Whatever then."

The metal door smashed shut, and Kitty simply gave an aggravated groan. Bobby simply leaned against the door, _tink-tinking_ the sex restraint against it.

"This is so stupid..." Bobby muttered, taking the cuffs back up in his hands and giving them a hard pull. Nothing. He continued doing this as Kitty talked.

"Oh come on, Logan's always in a bad mood. Besides, we all know Logan, right? He's….not exactly a warm-and-fuzzy kind of a guy. Like, he's an angry person, yeah, but I think that's a little shallow to think that he's like that, well, you know,_ all _the time. It's probably not him anyways."

"I'm going to laugh my butt of if it is." Bobby snapped. Remy snickered as he pushed his dark brown hair out from his eyes. "But fine, whatever. I give up."

"So then, the escapade is over, yes?" Colossus asked, perking up at the thought of finally getting to be alone with Katya once more. "We can return outside to what we were doing before?"

Remy gave a careless shrug, but Kitty quickly stomped a small foot. "No! No way!"

The hope in Colossus's face quickly leapt from his eyes. "But…but Katya, Professor Xavier asked us specifically to plant the garden outside. And besides, I am excited to show you how to plant these strawberry-"

"I know, Peter, I know, and we will get to that, I promise." Her hazel eyes sparkled with the same child-like mischief that had shone in Bobby's. "But Iceman's got me all into this now—aren't you the _least_ bit curious who's getting all rough and wild in this "controlled" school ground?"

The color in Colossus's face rocketed up to a bright, fire engine red. "N-no, n-not entirely."

"Persistent," Remy raised an eyebrow and smirked at Kitty, "My kind o' woman."

Colossus's dark eyebrows laced together in frustration, a new type of emotion filling his eyes.

"I do not hang out with you much Gambit, but I do notice that you make these comments towards most women in Charles Xavier's institute, so I am just going to inform you now about Katya. _Shove off_, Frenchman," Colossus soft voice suddenly turned as hard as his metallic coating. His black eyes glittered as he grazed down at the thin, wiry Cajun. Remy simply stuck out his chin in defiance, his red eyes burning in their sockets.

"It take ya all dis time ta come up wit' dat threat, Comrade?" Gambit took a step towards Peter, his hand reaching into his back-jeans pocket for his black and white deck of playing cards. Kitty quickly took in the situation as the tension in the room that had flooded in since Logan 's entrance reached a boiling point in the summer sun.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Kitty quickly phased through Gambit, placing her hands onto Colossus's now-metal chest. "Easy boys. Cool it, huh? It's like, 9,000 degrees outside already. It's too hot for this stuff."

Bobby glanced over to see that Gambit wasn't one to back down. Kitty quickly stood on her tip-toes to an attempt to break Peter's eye contact, her eyes pleading. Her lips moved into a heart-breaking pout—though, by now, Bobby found he had to look away from Kitty's backside before Peter noticed—and she quickly gave Peter a kiss on his smooth metal cheek. Peter's massive shoulders broke their tension as his hands reached up to place themselves carefully on the phaser's delicately minute frame. Peter's blush broke his will to keep metallic, and human skin quickly reappeared. Remy simply thumbed at his nose, huffing as he turned away, and stepped down.

"Look, Katya is right. It is clear that it is not Logan . Perhaps we should just ask Scott, considering he is closest from here." Peter offered up. Taking his hands shyly away from Kitty, the Russian went to move further down the hall, but glanced back to see that Kitty hadn't followed.

Bobby noted the subtle hand-movement of the gentle giant, almost as if he wanted to take her hand to bring her along beside him, but Peter had stopped. A weird feeling, almost like someone had splintered glass in his chest; hit Bobby as he averted his eyes. He had never held anyone's hand before. Let alone kissed someone. He suddenly had this sinking feeling of wanting to know less and less of who else was getting some in the Xavier mansion, and not him.

"Yeah, we might as well as if Scott's the one that's been using these frilly handcuffs before Logan gets to him anyways. It we don't, we'll have to ask Scott when he's in the Emergency Room cut to little ribbons, and I doubt he'll actually tell us then." Kitty giggled, bouncing down the hall towards Peter, which made Peter smile in her direction.

Just as Bobby went to take his weight off Logan's door, a harsh laugh echoed from inside it.

"What?" asked the gruff voice. The metal door slowly pulled open. Wolverine's bruised knuckle brace itself against the doorframe, soon poking out only his head- the jet black edges of his hair still sizzling from the Danger Room. Logan 's fangs gleamed at Bobby as he growled: "You mean the control freak that brushes and flosses his teeth six times a day without fail? You mean the kid that's too shy to even tell the girl that he's been in love with for three years that he wants to put his arm around her; even though they're dating? You mean _Summers _is the person that uses those hand cuffs and is a freak in bed?"

Bobby's rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, feeling all the frozen sweat drops there. Wolverine obviously must have over-heard.

"I guess…that does sound a little…ridiculous…when you mention all of that."

"But Wolverine," Kitty's small mouth dipped into a cute line of bewilderment. "Who else could it be? We've asked everyone."

Wolverine's eyes slowly scathed over the group, until his eyes rested on Gambit. Gambit simply smiled a coy smile, his ruby irises gleaming. Wolverine simply huffed again, crossing his arms in the shadows of his room. "Even Gumbo over there?"

Gambit simply hooked his thumbs through the loops in his ripped blue jeans and gave the smoldering assassin a Cheshire Cat worthy smile. "_Oui_, _mon ami_, even though I t'ink it's nice that ev'ry one holds moi in such favor. It's not me."

"I don't believe that for a single stinkin' second, Swamp Rat," Wolverine spat. "Gimmie that thing."

Logan only sniffed the pink handcuffs once, his face turning up into a snarl—his eyes clashing with Remy's and then...a wide, sharp, canine filled grin...and then laughter. It was subtle at first-causing Wolverine's shoulders to seize up as if he was choking; as if his body had forgotten how to laugh. Then gruff, hardy, hysterical _laughter_—from _Wolverine._Everyone in the group before the killer simply blinked in shock. The metal door slammed shut, and then Bobby, the first to snap out of his haze, smashed on the door with his fist, causing already melting bits of ice to line exactly where his skin had made contact with the door.

"That _asshole_! He didn't even-! It's probably him, and he's just too much of a prick to tell us!"

Everyone just continued staring. No one even bothered to scold Bobby for so blandly cursing.

"Ughh, man, this sucks. We're never going to find out who uses this stupid thing." Bobby whined, sighing into his free hand and running it over his face.

"Let's just go find Scott," Kitty offered, but Bobby quickly threw up his hands in defiance and exasperation.

"But Wolverine KNOWS!"

"An' he's not goin' to tell us, homme." Gambit reminded.

"Alright, fine. Just one more person," Bobby sighed in frustration. Kitty glanced down the hall where the Danger Room lay.

"From that kind of reaction from Wolverine…do you think it's actually Scott?" Her pink lips fixed in determination.

"Scott it is, den." Remy grinned, "Dis should be great." 

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><p><em><strong>EAN#9<strong>__: Heh. You guys have __no__ idea how hilarious I find myself. I hope I amused you guys too, hehehe. Please let me know what you think? This is my first X-Men story, so, if I find out I'm not too shabby, I'll write MORE awkward X-Men stories for you guys! And…if it turns out I am pretty terrible, I promise I'll stay as far away from this fandom as possible. Savvy? Huuh? Huuuuuuh? :D Stay tuned for the final chapter. It'll certainly be a surprise. (You know by the time you guys finish this story, you'll have read over 30 pages? I dunno! Seemed neat to think about to me.)_


	5. And A Great Story To Tell At Dinner

**AN#10**: _Last chapter! Thank you SO much for your reviews guys. It's really made this story worth it for me. Seriously. Thank you so much. So, who owns the handcuffs? Any guesses? Anyone know? Hehe. Go find out!_

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><p>Bobby slouched behind the rag-tag group as they made their way down the hall, his hands empty. He couldn't help but contemplate the desolate feeling in his chest now. Sure, he was the youngest out of the X-Men—next to Jubilee, he guessed—but did that really mean that he was doomed to be the one without any action?<p>

Okay, alright, sure, he'd wager with himself. He had crushes; _beyond_ the obviously unattainable ones. Just..despite his ironically "cool" powers, he never exactly got him anywhere with any of the girls on campus. Even before most of the mutants were exiled from public school he never got anywhere, and that was really saying something because it was in public school that Jean and Scott hooked up, and it was at public school that Lance and Kitty very nearly became an item a couple of times….Hell! It was at public school that Kurt found Amanda! Kurt! The fuzzy, blue elf himself!  
><em><br>Maybe chicks really do dig the fuzzy dude._

…Bobby then abruptly slapped himself around the face for thinking such a preposterous statement. He knew the fine line Kurt treaded upon between being okay with his looks and using pretty bizarre humor to vent it out when having a thin, long pointy demonic looking tail coming out of his backside became too much. This used to not bother Bobby nearly as much! Why was this all coming to the surface now?  
><em><br>What? Now that you're suddenly seeing all the relationships around you and you're…you're what, suddenly lonely? Suck it up man, this is stupid. You get a backstage pass to walking around and staring at all the sexy, toned girls you want! Why does this matter now? Because all you can do is look and not touch…._

Bobby suddenly snapped his eyes to look at Gambit, who was silently pacing ahead of him, dark brown hair flickering in and out of the passing cool shadows. _Look but not touch. Huh.  
><em>  
><em>Maybe…maybe I should ask Gambit for..chick advice or..something. I mean, he practically has every girl here eating out of the palm of his hands. Well, all except maybe Rogue. But even THEN he still seems like he's having the time of his life about getting her goat. But he can't touch her…<br>_  
>"Alright guys, you ready for this?" Kitty purred, a mischievous smile highlighted her delicate face, a hand pressed against the smooth metal door to the Danger Room. Bobby snapped from his thoughts, Wolverine's barking laughter still humming in his ears. It couldn't really be Scott…could it?<p>

"It's all yours, _mon chaton_," Remy snickered, suddenly noticing Bobby's gaze on him, and meeting the blonde with a curious eyebrow raise. Beside Kitty, Colossus simply sighed. _Poor guy_, Bobby thought. He never quite understood why Peter made himself so scarce when it came to Scott. Was it beside the other super hero had a "C" in his public name also?

"Scott!" Kitty was in the room before the rest of the group had even blinked. She had excitedly, and accidentally, phased straight through it.

"_Kitty_?" Scott yelled in complete surprise, quickly diving out of the way of an oncoming laser blast. 'Kitty! What the heck are you doing in here?—can't you see I'm pratic-"

But Kitty continued her entrance in a vigorous rush. Scott quickly latched a hand around his glasses, sending a powerful wave of red optic blast that shook the very core of the metal-cased room. He wanted to glare at Kitty and her reckless abundance, but she merely phased through the oncoming robots with their gleaming metallic tiled capture coils and made her way to the Danger Room's control room wall, sliding through with a peppy kart-wheel of determination. Less than a second later, the lights in the Danger Room flickered, and the various sharp traps and threats fell to the floor or sped back into the walls in deactivation. Breathing heavily, Scott simply stared up at the glass windows, a scowl across his usually serious face, and a shaking hand fixed tightly on the lens of his ruby-tinted glasses, ready to let out a huge optic blast defense just in case one of the Room's deadly holographic projections had managed to get a jump on Shadowcat.

"—ing," Scott finished, sweat racing down his neck and dripping down his back. If it was considered "hot" outside, then it was hotter than hot in the Danger Room, regardless of the two hours of training Scott had duked out before his fight with Logan. Unaware of Scott's disapproval, Kitty quickly phased back through the walls and skipped over to the leader of the X-Men, something shiny and pink swinging from around her left wrist.

"So Scott," Kitty grinned, "How're you and Jeannnnie?" Her voice stretched into a sing-song that set Scott's teeth on edge.

"Kitty…" Scott managed out, "That… was very risky. Do you…." He swallowed, "… understand that you could have been seriously hurt?" Scott's nostrils' flared as he took in another deep breath. "Wolverine and I were using this room to its most extreme level of difficulty. …You…you could have been killed! Didn't you _see _the code color outside the door? What the hell was going through your mind?"

"I—well, like, we were just really excited to ask you a question…" Kitty's hazel eyes drooped to the polished floor.

"A question?" Scott's scowl pressed his lips into a firm straight line. "Are you serious?"

Kitty nodded bubbly, trying to think of a way to ease Scott out of his stick-in-the-mud attitude, or else the gang's curious mission would be fruitless.

Suddenly, Scott's brow eyebrows came together. "Wait, what you mean by 'we'?"

_Fffcht_. The Danger Room's rooms slid open with a snap and in walked Bobby and Remy with Peter in tow. _What the…_Scott's thoughts flew in his head like disoriented bats.

"Uh, did Logan send you guys, or something?" the sunglasses-wearing mutant asked.

Gambit merely snickered, and Peter shifted restlessly, but it was Bobby who managed to break the tension in the room with an ever subtle: "Are you and Jean having sex yet?"

"_W_-WHAT?" Scott chocked out. Bobby concluded that the shocked look on Scott's face was ever more priceless than Peter's. Scott's glasses lay skewed on his nose, his eyes suddenly slamming shut—though from shyness or delusion, Bobby couldn't tell. Scott had more than half a mind to blow the entire group before him away with the amount of embarrassment that was building from the tension behind his irises.

Gambit simply shook his head, his frame shaking with withheld laughter, his dark hair twisting around him. "Heheheh! Couldn' hav' brought it up bedda myself, Bobby."

"What the hell kind of a question is that, Bobby?" Scott snapped, fumbling to push his glasses protectively back over his eyes. "Kitty, was that the question you risked your life and mine to barge in here for?

Kitty bit her lower lip, her eyes glancing about the room guiltily. "….Maybe…"

"So?" Remy smiled, taking a careful step towards Scott. "Remy knows that you're ever the Boy Scout, but ease up man, tis jus' a simple question."

"A simple question? _A simple question?_How is that even apply to—" Scott began defensively.

"It's a 'no', den." Remy concluded, sliding back into place beside Bobby.

"Man, so Wolverine was right? You can't even kiss Jean? But aren't you two dating?" Bobby demanded.

"We are!" Scott scrambled for control over his voice, his throat tight, his fists clenching. "And we DO kiss! It's just-"

"But, it's been like, what _homme_? Four months after years o' likin' one another an'—"

Scott simply held up a hand to help stop further attacks.

"I get it! I get it. I know..it's just….what….what…how…why…why would you guys begin to wonder that…what…Jean and…I.." Scott sputtered out, a blush rising from his cheeks leading down his neck, disregarding Remy's assumption.

"We found these," Bobby awkwardly stated. "Or well, I did. And…well, I've just been asking people if they've been using them or not…you know?"

Scott stared deadpan at Bobby. "No. I really, really don't."

"Here," Bobby quickly gripped the handcuffs from Kitty, and held them out for Scott to see.

"_What." _What the only word that escaped from Scott's mouth, his voice cracking as he spoke. Gambit chuckled again. Peter was one funny story within itself- but this? Seeing the cool, collected, and morally golden of all the X-Men come face to face with such an item that he obviously would love to be using with Jean—if he could just get passed that whole 'kissing' her first—was far beyond worth anything Remy could ever think of stealing.

"Let's….just…God," Scott ran a hand nervously through his hair. "Look, it's really hectic in here, and I've spend all day in here…with _Wolverine_ of all people…let's move this into the main hall."

Bobby quickly agreed, and soon everyone moved out of the Danger Room and into the main hall, still crowding the leader of the X-Men just in case he tried to get away. Scott slouched down in a chair, glancing up at the teenagers around him in sheer disbelief. Maybe dehydration had caused him to hallucination this whole ridiculous affair and…

"So..then it's… you?" Kitty squeaked out. _Shit. God dammit Kitty! Why are you doing this to me? You of all people should know that I'm just so…I can't…around Jean.. _Scott cursed, though, he felt bad afterwards for being so harsh with her, even internally.

Despite himself, Scott's blush suddenly flared up a shade redder than Peter's best fire truck colored blush. "M-me? What makes you all think it's me?"

"N' all honesty? We don't, _homme_." Gambit chimed in. "But yo' see dere's no one else ta ask.

"Really?" Scott stood up at the center of the gang, dumbstruck. "Well…" He thought for a moment. "Have you guys asked Professor X?"

A long, sudden silence fell over the group.

It was Kitty who first reacted, her face scrunched up in absolute horror. "…Oh my GOD! No! Scott! You did NOT just SAY that! It couldn't be the Professor! Isn't he like, old? And like, handicapped? Isn't that _illegal?"_

"He's handicapped guys, not dead." Scott commented absently, grateful that the audience had been taken off of him. Bobby retched beside him.

"That's so messed up, I don't even have the words."

"It all makes sense in the end…" Kitty vaguely collected, her brow eyebrows furrowing as if she had finally discovered the culprit to this ridiculous scheme.

"What? The hells wrong with you-this does NOT make ANY sense! I mean, it's Prof. X guys! PROFESSOR X! I mean- I can't even BEGIN to picture-no, no. Wait. Yup. My brain's officially broken. Great job everyone." Bobby rubbed his eyes, completely bewildered. _Oh God, what did I DISCOVER?_

"Well, it isn't Beast, Storm, Iceman, Gambit, Wolverine, Warren or anyone else we've asked! And it certainly isn't Scott-"

"Isn't Scott, what?" Came a female voice from the hall. Upon realization, Remy's eyes suddenly burned bright in his skull. Rogue quickly made her way into the main hall, boots shining against the humid air. Her dark eyes traced down over Scott—bluntly ignoring the incredulous thief before her-

"…What are ya'all talkin' about?"

Kitty quickly piped up to Bobby's innate terror. "Rogue! Do these belong to you-?

"Oh no, Kitty! No—" Bobby yelled.

"_YOU_!" Rogue's eyes suddenly turned to slits of absolute destruction. Each boot step towards Bobby now seemed like a death march. "What. Did. Ah. Tell. You?"

"That-, b-but, I-didn't, and we weren't, but we know it's not—" Bobby's tongue stuck to his teeth. The handcuffs suddenly slid out of his numb hands and clattered to the floor with a _clink-ti-tatter-tah._ _Oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man, thisissogoingtohurt-  
><em>  
>Kitty was uncharacteristically silent in shock. Beside her, Peter merely placed a large hand over his eyes. Remy was the only one that seemed to understand just how close Rogue was to making sure Bobby would lapse into a comma and never wake up.<p>

"Rogue! Roguie! Come on now, chere! Bobby don't mean ya no harm! We're just havin' som' fun. We've 'ust bein' askin' people an'—"

"Oh, Ah know what Bobby's been up to, Swamp Rat. Ya don't need to fill _me _in. But Ah distinctly told him to keep all this crap away from me!"

"Away from 'yo? Really?" Gambit glanced at Bobby, who simply nodded rapidly..and then didn't stop. Rogue had broken him with just a warning.

_Geez, kid, got ta be stronga den dat ta impress de ladies_, Remy thought.

"Well Rogue, you outta know dat this'll come back ta you once I was involved. I just can't stay away." He winked. Rogue glared at the Cajun, disgusted.

"Ah just don't know why everybody is makin' such a big deal about these stupid things." Rogue quickly swooped down to pick the pink handcuffs off the floor and clutched them in her hands. Remy smiled, pushing his dark hair out of his eyes.

"If you're dat curious, I could show yo' how big of a deal dese t'inks really are."

"You're sick Gambit. And shut up-these are probably yours, aren't they?" Rogue hissed, getting close to Remy and practically shoving the cuffs into his bare chest.

Remy's eyes lit up in shamelessly unveiled delight. "…Would yo' like ta find out, _chere_?"

"ARH!" Rogue screamed, her eyes burning with fury. It was always a touchy subject with her, and Remy seemed to always be the person to cut her straight to the quick.

"You have five seconds to get as far away from me as possible. Then. Ah'm coming to skin you both alive."

Remy suddenly took a step back, a smile fit for the Cheshire cat playing along his lips.

"If I be gettin' de kiss of death, _chere_, I'd certainly hope it'd be from no one else but yo'."

Remy then quickly gripped the frozen-in-place-Bobby by the collar of his shirt and dragged him off down the hall. Kitty simply stared mournfully in their direction. She was roommates with the girl. She knew there was no escape from a Rogue scorned. Rogue then took off after them, leaving a confused Scott and relived looking Peter with her.

_Thank God the thief is gone._Peter sighed in personal relief.

"Do…I even want to know what that was all about?" Scott's ruby tinted shades titled slightly.

"I…guess..none of us..will really understand what this was all about." Kitty giggled, feeling the good nature of the adventure coming back into her mood.

"Katya…," Colossus began shyly, painfully aware of Scott's eyes now looking at him as he talked. " I still have those strawberries that we need to—"

Kitty cut him off with a kiss on the lips, and then, tugging him by the hand, began walking down the hallway once more. "I didn't forget Petey!"

"Oh!" She then turned around on her heel, "Scott! I'm so sorry, how like, terribly rude of me. Would you like to joi-"

Colossus interrupted Kitty by gently placing a massive hand over her lips, and then, using his other free arm, he carefully lifted her up and over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He adored Kitty's acute generosity to keep everyone happy and involved. But he had had enough for one day.

"Goodbye Cyclops." Peter calmly called over his shoulder, as if this whole experience had never happened.

"Good…bye?" Scott scratched his head, and then ducked back into the Danger Room. Jean would be home soon. And he didn't feel like walking around campus unaware and getting pounced on by Wolverine without Professor Xavier around to stop his inevitable murder.

_Later…_

Kurt quietly exited out of his room, book in hand, as he made his way to the main hall for the phone. He had set up a date with Amanda earlier, and couldn't wait to tell her about the newest article he had just read involving-

Suddenly something caught his eyes. The tips of his ears twitched. His tail flicked. Now he had to see what it was.

"Vhat…" Kurt glanced around again before he –_bamf_—teleported towards the shiny, glittering thing discarded along the floor. Slowly he picked it up, twisting the frilly pink feathers and holding the chain up to his eye. What the hell was he holding? Suddenly a door slammed, it's sound echoing down the hall. _Bamf! _Kurt quickly teleported up and onto the ceiling, his breath in his chest. His indigo hair quickly fanned down and he had twisted his tail up just in time to escape-

Bobby, skating down the hall. The blonde's hair was disheveled, and he was breathing extremely hard, his eyes wildly looking around; the air around Nightcrawler suddenly turned very cold- which made an involuntary shiver shoot up the teleporter's spine. Whatever Bobby was looking for, it must have been very important for even his raging emotions to change the temperature around him.

"Shiiiiiiittt," Bobby muttered, looking this way, then that, his blue eyes desperately scanning the tile flooring over and over again. "Maybe I dropped it in a different hall.."

Iceman then took off again, crystal icicles now gently and subtly aligning all the pictures in the hall. _Bamf!_ Kurt's toes touched the cold floor with dismay, but his interest now had the better of him. He gazed at the handcuffs again…carefully running a finger around the inside when, suddenly, hit him. _These are sex restraints._

Kurt's eyes widened.

_Bobby's sex restraints._

The prankster then doubled over in nearly silently laughter.

_Oh, God, this, this is TOO funny._ Kurt thought to himself, his sides now in pain from laughing so hard. _Just vait till I tell Amanda!_

And just like that:

_Bamf!_

Kurt was gone. 

* * *

><p><strong>EAN#11<strong>_: Oh Silly X-Men. Don't they know that asking what someone uses during sex is an extremely personal thing to ask? Or, at least to make hilarious gossip about. Oh, I guess they__** do **__know that._

Heheh. Anyways, I really do hope you guys enjoy that as much as I did writing it. It was amusing to me, and hey, if it was amusing to you, please drop a review. Thanks. Writing X-Men stories is really fun! Maybe I'll write one next with Bobby asking Gambit for chick advice. _Ha!_


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